The Silent Treatment

If you are like many other women, you may or may not have experienced times when you just flat out refused to talk to someone close to you. Whether it was a spouse, child, sibling, or friend, we learned the art of handing down the punishment of ‘you don’t get to speak to me until I’m ready to speak to you’ (aka silent treatment).

Let’s face it, you took pride in you hard work at getting your point across without a single word. By the way, what was your point? Oh yes, ‘you cannot treat or speak to me just any kind of way’. And how did you communicate thus message, Ahh yes, by being silent.

The oxymoron of the ‘silent treatment’ is that we are actually expecting it to take the place of the communication that is necessary in relationships. The silent treatment is meant to punish the offender. It is the hope of the one giving the silent treatment that their offender would not only notice that the atmosphere has become strained but also to be able to somehow connect it to the infraction that preceded the silence.

Once they have made the connections then, still without a word, the offender must piece it all together accurately to thoroughly understand where they went wrong, what they should have done differently and how they can make sure to never make the same mistake again,

In addition they are to be able to gauge your feelings while at the same time making up for what they did wrong.

The truth of the matter is, while you may feel you have every right to be angry, disappointed, and/or frustrated, silence alone simply cannot communicate everything that needs to be said.

While the silent treatment drives the point home that you are beyond tolerant at that moment, it cannot and will not communicate what you can say with your own words.

This passive aggressive approach to handling an issue does the opposite of what one hopes to accomplish. When you are silent, you literally have no voice. Your thoughts, ideas, and options cannot be heard not understood.

The one who has offended you may takes a very different stance from what you had hoped to accomplish. Your silence may communicate that it is simply okay to continue to perform the action that drove you to this point. It may give them an out; an excuse to continue the behavior. It clouds the atmosphere with misunderstandings about why there is even silence. Finally, you loose respect when you choose not to speak what is necessary.

So the next time that you want to handle a conflict or other situation with silence; think again. Choose to speak your truth so that those around you will have a clear understanding of who you are and what you will and will not accept in your life. There is just something about verbalizing who we truly are that has power. It communicates self love and really makes us feel good about ourselves.

©️2018 Kim Seymore Inspired Serenity by Kim Seymore

Empower Yourself

How Single Moms Survive

Single moms have had a place in our society for many years. While the challenges remain difficult, many women have found their way and still manage to raise smart, head strong individuals with college degrees and promising careers; but not without a fight.

The first task is to get yourself to a place where you don’t feel sorry for yourself because your husband or boyfriend left you. You can’t spend forever sulking in your hurt, pain and misery. It would not be wise to try to get revenge or think up some plan to ruin his life. You just don’t have that kind of time. While you are contemplating payback, your child or children are growing up and need you to focus on them.

Of course you must work on yourself, find ways to improve your self esteem and self confidence. Remember your worth, know your gifts, remain confident in who you are becoming. What we sometimes forget is that our children are watching. Regardless of their age or their ability to understand what is going on, they are learning from you how to exist in their world. You must set the example of how to handle joy, sadness, disappointment, conflict and any other life issue that comes your way. Model it because one day it will be their life.

Once you get over yourself and become clear that this is not about you, the work begins.

Plan, organize and schedule your day. Include your children’s in school and out of school activities as well as your responsibilities at work, home and any other area in your life. Consider an hour by hour schedule, weekly planner or checklist method; whatever works for you.

Make sure that your children are involved in activities, clubs, sports, something that will not only keep them from idle time but will enrich their experience and teach them things like teamwork, diversity, and self confidence

Attend their events regardless of what you have going on. Go to the games, the performance, the concerts, even the practices. Even if they don’t say it. It will mean the world to them to see mom there.

Put routines and expectations in place at home. Make chores everyone’s responsibility. Set aside a time for homework, games, conversation and even a little tv watching as a family

Don’t underestimate the power of teaching at home. Discuss homework with your child. Read with and to them. Talk about friends and how to handle certain situations. Share relevant and age appropriate personal experiences to let them know they are not alone. If you have teens or pre teens, tackle those rough conversations about sex, drugs, peer pressure, alcohol and every other relevant issue.

Make sure they are aware of where your priorities lie and what you values. You teach children good morals and values by what you model. While I cannot tell you what you should value as you will determine that on your own, you should focus on those things that will help your children to be successful in life. For example, getting a good education and cultivating healthy relationships are extremely important in today’s society.

Depending on your situation you will need to be comfortable talking about their absent parent. If you are co-parenting, make sure that if possible both you and the father are on the same page with how to answer question about what happened and why you are not together. If the father is not in the picture at all, prepare what will you say to your children when they ask. It is absolutely not okay to bash the father in any circumstance. Regardless of how or why you came to be a single parent, your child should not be brought down by your personal opinions and feeling about the other parent. If for some reason, your break up was because it was no longer safe to remain in the relationship, then when the time is appropriate and with additional expert advice from a trust professional, decide when to share that information.

Managing single parenting and work or running a business is a huge challenge and can leave you worn out and exhausted daily. From grocery shopping to cleaning up the house and keeping order in your house to attending every activity for each child, you will certainly feel the pressure and sometimes the pain. Prioritizing and managing your time is the best solution

While I am mentioning this last it is definitely us not least. It is the most important thing that you will do in this process and any other for that matter. Keeping a relationship with God will help you in times of loneliness, frustration, and disappointment. It will help keep you balanced and focused on what is important. It will keep you sane when you feel you are losing your mind. This relationship is the most important relationship of your life as it will set the foundation for all of the others. Involve your children as you continue to grow. They too must understand the relevance of having God in their lives.

So how do single moms do it? One second, one minute, one day at a time. While I cannot promise you a bed a roses, these tips should help you keep your eyes on the goal: raising healthy, responsible and competent adults.

Something important to remember is YOU. While you don’t have the time to feel sorry for yourself for being in this situation, you do need to take care of your self. The most valuable time that you may have in your day outside of spending time with your children is ME TIME. Make sure your nightly routine includes time for yourself. Set a bed time for the children at a decent time so that the house will be totally quiet. Use this time to pray, rejuvenate, breathe, take a warm bath. regroup, reflect, rest and prepare for the next day.

Single moms have been making it happen for years and you can too. So gear up, get ready, and stand up to the challenge. Your children deserve nothing less.

©️ 2018 Inspired Serenity by Kim Seymore

Find empowering eBooks for women

Are you struggling as a single mother or in another area of your life? Consider my Life Coaching service Visit and click on Life Coaching

Finding Time to Start a Business

The numbers are climbing as women of today are working a full time job in addition to starting their own businesses. Who has the time, if you work, have a spouse, and young children? Nevertheless, women who have these very same life characteristics are researching and branching out into entrepreneurship.

If you have ever entertained the idea of starting a business while you still hold a job, below are a few suggestions:

1. Decode on and research the type of business you want to run (i.e credentials , certifications, etc.)

2. Communicate your aspirations with your family to gauge their level of support. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do

3. Connect with experts in the area that you are interested in

4. Consider virtual social media marketing (even if you will run a local establishment)

5. Check out the competition and learn what you can about their success

6. Set SMART goals

7. Connect with a mentor or coach in your area of interest

8. Decide your ultimate goal for your business. Will you go full time or continue your job? If full time what will it take to get here. If part-time, how will you manage your time in both places?

9. Prioritize your life responsibilities and use a planner or some type of scheduler to optimize work/life balance

10. Stay healthy. Eat well. Exercise regularly

11. Believe in yourself and your abilities

©️2017 Inspired Serenity by Kim Seymore

Visit My Website